Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Welp...herpes.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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