sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
