i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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