the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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