Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
