Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize