remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
