So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
