Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize