so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
