she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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