MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Randomize
