I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
