I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
