I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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