What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
