man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
