I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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