Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
