i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
