It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
