Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
