i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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