so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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