i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
