i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
