Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
