Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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