All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
