What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
