I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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