She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
