Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize