we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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