My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
