Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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