and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize