escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
