I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
