Banned from zoo.
Again?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
