Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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