there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can't turn off my feet"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
