Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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