You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
