SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
