dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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