i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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