47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize