its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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