i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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