I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
