This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
try to milk me bitch
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
