Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
