Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
