I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
