He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Are we still banned from the library?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
