We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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