Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
