How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
