I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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