If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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