I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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