Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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