she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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