Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
