i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
