My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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