i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize