My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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