weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
