I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
