Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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