In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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