dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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