i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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